Weekend Update

Where is my motivation?

I saw it last about 7 days ago.

If you find it, can you send it back to me?

Seriously, last week I was so out of the loop regarding the whole weight loss/getting healthier thing. I just seemed to not care. I still tracked everything I ate – more from habit than anything else but I didn’t care. I wasn’t thinking about eating healthy, I was just eating. I wanted to be “normal”. I wanted to be able to eat whatever I wanted and enjoy it and not worry if I will gain or lose this week.

A few months ago, I accepted that this is for life. That it will always be like this. That even when I reach my goal, I will still have to monitor what I eat, monitor my weight (because it doesn’t take long to put on 10lbs and then 20 and then a 100 – I’m not exaggerating!) and be conscious of everything I eat. I guess occasionally I am going to get overwhelmed with it all – like last week. Forever IS a long time.

Hopefully I am in a better frame of mind starting today – missing sleep is so bad for my emotional state and last week that was the root of my problem, I think.

Saturday, Den and I went to Buffalo and I stocked up on “Hungry Girl” staples. There are products that she uses throughout her recipes that are not available here so since I had to go to Buffalo anyway, I went into to TOPS (love that store) and just shopped away. It was a short trip, we left at 6 and were home by 3 and I did pick up a few clothes at Dress Barn because they were having a massive sale. I also got a pair of jeans because the two pairs I have are too big. I got a size 18!! I was so thrilled. I almost didn’t try them on because they were on sale and only had size 16 or 18 left. But then I thought – the pair that are too big are a 20 – 18 must fit! And I was right.

We had lunch at Red Robin – not point friendly at all but so delicious. My favourite is the blackened chicken burger but I add salsa to it so it is sooo spicy hot and good. I don’t eat the top bun normally and use a fork and knife to eat it because it is so messy and I only ate half my fries because I was so full. Back in the day (about 6 months ago) I could eat the whole thing and have extra fries so perhaps I am learning something after all and making subconscious changes.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on myself if I have a week where I feel like I can’t be bothered?

Maybe I should celebrate that this is the longest I have stuck with a weight loss plan in over 12 years and it is working.

Maybe I should concentrate on my successes and not what I think I’ve failed at.

Maybe…I should just take one day at a time and not think about its going to take another year or more to get my goal.

I am so hoping to reach my 10% goal this Friday. I’ve gone up and down past 225 over the last few weeks by 1-2 lbs but when I see it on Friday it will be “official”, and hopefully stick.

My next goal after that is to get to 199 by my 42^nd birthday – October 30. So that would be 25lbs in about 13 weeks, its not impossible – but it is ambitious.