Dec 28, 2012
This man is gorgeous, tall, fit - boyishly handsome still even though he's over 40 and his eyes as blue as they were when he was 15. Anyway, there's him...and then me - no make up, hair in a scrunchie (as in all scrunched up in sort of half bun/half pony tail), jeans two sizes too big and a huge sweater and a wool coat and raggedy scarf, oh and my old lady boots because it's all snow and ice downtown and I have this morbid fear of slipping on the snow and ice.
Really...the picture of attractiveness...not.
So what's the first thing he says?
"Enz, you look great" whilst enfolding me in a hug.
Which immediately makes me realise how absolutely NOT great I currently look.
Now most days, I am dressed professionally for work, hair and makeup are good and clothes fit properly and are nice. Today, because it's Friday and a pseudo holiday - I didn't bother and TODAY of all the days that I am downtown (which is every single day), I run into him.
I've known him since we were teenagers and I know he could care less about how I look most of the time - but really, TODAY????
That's all that's bothering me today and I guess for that, I am grateful.
I wish you all a Happy New Year and hope you make all your dreams come true. I'm working on mine. Work on yours - not someone else's idea of what your dreams should be.
Dec 13, 2012
Dec 3, 2012
Nov 22, 2012
The Fall is always difficult for me to blog, I am not sure why. I find that in the Fall, my thoughts turn inwards and I want to spend more time alone and less time sharing. The social whirlwind that was my October/November was unusual and out of character for me and I found that it drained me emotionally.
I always see Fall as a the start of something new (as opposed to the end of something old) and I welcome the changes even though change often means disruption and some uncomfortableness for a while.
Right now, I have a bunch of plans in the works and I am waiting to see which ones work out before I can make some life decisions and move forward in one of the directions open to me right now. It may not all come together soon so I feel in a bit of limbo, but I am pushing forward while reexamining what I want from my life and from myself.
This past weekend, I took a road trip with my good friend Shelley to visit friends in Pennsylvania. We had such an amazing time. They are all wonderful, generous and funny people to spend time with and I laughed a lot. Just about every minute was jam packed, but it was all quality time and we are already talking about our plans for next year.
On the health and exercise front, I am doing ok but not great. I think I had food poisoning when I returned home Monday evening and was sick most of Monday night, all day Tuesday and yesterday, but today my stomach has settled and I feel normal again. Unfortunately, the weekend away was not full of good eating choices or any exercise so I am back to my little workplace gym tomorrow to get back to running/ellipticalling/walking and I think I’m going to count calories and carbs for the next month as I’ve been off track for a number of weeks and I am feeling it in my jeans.
Nov 10, 2012
Nov 8, 2012
My ankles were still really stiff though but aren’t when I’m walking/standing normally – I wonder if using the elliptical/treadmill puts them in a different angle than running/walking naturally? I’m going to run outside this weekend so I can check that theory.
I truly, truly hate the treadmill and elliptical.
It is incredibly boring.
I never would have stuck with running if I had started with that rather than outside. I have good music and I can even watch TV, but it is still INCREDIBLY boring and the minutes seem to go by so slowly. At least walking on the treadmill I can read and that makes the time go by faster. I keep telling myself, like every SINGLE second, that this is just to get through Winter. The other problem is that I run much slower on the treadmill; I think I’m afraid of falling off. When I set it to my normal pace it seems way too fast and I feel like I can’t keep up. Now even outside, I run slow, so the treadmill is even slower – snails might be passing me at this rate. I’m better on the elliptical and my plan is to alternate the treadmill and elliptical to save my knees so I can do something every day. There’s also some kind of scary weight machine and a whole rack of dumbbells, if I can figure out what to do with them, I might give it a shot sometime.
The good thing that I will usually have the whole gym to myself so I can do whatever I want, look as ridiculous as I want and take as long as I want to shower – keeping in mind I have about 55 minutes to workout, shower, blow dry my hair and get dressed in the mornings and only about 40 min at lunch (where I have to change twice). But it’s better than nothing which is what I had been doing for the last few weeks. I do miss my running clinic though. I wanted to try lunch time just to see if it was feasible and it’s not really enough time but if for some reason, I can’t make the morning, at least I know I can squeeze in 20-25 minutes. I have a pair of shoes and a set of workout clothes here so if I don’t bring them one day, I’m still covered. I’m really trying to make this work and not have an “out”.
Food is so – so, I have awesome days and then days where I go back to wheat/dairy. Sugar is pretty much under control but although wheat and dairy aren’t triggers the same way sugar is, they still leave me feeling lethargic, bloated and heavy. Weight wise, I’m fluctuating in a 5lb range 192-197 – which is far too close to 200 for my liking. Fall is my most challenging time of year for so many reasons and I normally fall off the wagon big time – this year I am hanging on which is an improvement over the last few years at this time.
I have put some plans in motion for the next six months and I need to be patient and wait and see which ones come to fruition before I can make some major life decisions so right now I’m just trying to make the best of what I can with what is available to me in all areas of my life.
Nov 7, 2012
Nov 4, 2012
I turned 45 on October 30, and after a few difficult years, I feel like I am starting a new chapter in my life and I plan to enjoy and make the most of it!
Here are some of the people and things that made turning 45 so special.
First 10k Race
Friends and Laughter
- Dinners and outings and watching a friend complete his first half marathon!
Night out: Dinner, War Horse and Friends, new and old!
On a pub patio with one of my favourite guys on an Indian Summer Night in October.
Oct 22, 2012
Oct 5, 2012
Unfortunately I didn't get to run today, I ended up having to go get bloodwork done because I forgot about the date of my endo appointment, I thought it was next Thursday but its actually next Tuesday. I had to fast before the bloodwork so couldn't run then and because of medical issues I can't exercise for about 12 hours after having blood taken. But I should be ok for tomorrow although I will have to run alone, today I would have had a running mate (well I would be following the running mate....)
Since I had to go out to get the bloodwork done, I did all the other errands at the same time; picked up the prescription, dropped off the dry cleaning, sent back forms to my new employer (they are burying me in paperwork!) and then picked up groceries. I got a lot of walking in today. I had to take the bus back from the grocery store but still ended up with 4 large bags of groceries. As I was on the second bus, someone asked me if I was ok and then pointed to my arm. My white hoodie had a quickly spreading red stain on my sleeve. One of the advantages of my hospital neighbourhood is that I always see nurses on the bus. There were 4 nurses on this bus, one took charge and cleaned my arm and wrapped it tightly with a handkerchief and applied pressure. The
Food was not great today. Because of the bloodwork, I was out and didn't take anything with me (breaking my number one rule) and ended up getting an egg salad sandwich at Tim's but I didn't eat the bread, just the filling (eggs and some kind of over processed mayo, no doubt) and a coffee with dairy creamer.
I came home and had an apple with almond cashew butter and for dinner had an egg muffin (microwaved egg with peppers/onions).
You would think I'm allergic to vegetables, no?
But.......thanks to Norma, I've found the magic bullet and can be at my goal weight in 2 weeks...why am I working so hard again?
Day 3 Whole 30 (fail) - October 5, 2012
B - egg salad (not Whole30 compliant) and coffee (not Whole30 compliant)
L - apple with 1 tbsp almond cashew butter
D - egg with onions/peppers
Oct 4, 2012
It's Thanksgiving this Monday and also would have been my 24th wedding anniversary (we've been separated for 2 1/2 years) and I think that makes me both sad and mad. I'm not going to explain it - some of you will get it...if not....I'm not in the mood to explain or analyse my feelings today.
I have a bunch of stuff to do tomorrow, get groceries (since I didn't make it out today), pick up prescriptions, take in dry cleaning, do laundry and hopefully meet someone for a run - although I will probably only run half as far as he does in the same amount of time.
I have to get bloodwork done on Tuesday for my endocrinologist appointment on Thursday and it will be interesting to see the numbers.
Whole 30 Day 2 - October 4
B - whey isolate protein shake with light coconut milk, ice cubes
L - apple and 1 tbsp almond cashew butter (this stuff is seriously good - I bought it during my last Whole30 and had to hide it from myself at the back of the fridge - just refound it)
D - oven baked chicken breast, salsa, sauteed spinach
Oct 3, 2012
Since I've let wheat and dairy and some sugars back into my life the last two weeks I don't know if I can jump back to three meals a day right away but I'm going to try, some days I may end up with a snack. Today I slept in quite late so it was easy to stick to three meals.
In general I don't weigh/measure food while doing Whole30 but I do with nuts, nut butter and fruit because I know how easily I can go overboard with them.
Day 1 - October 3, 2012
B - whey isolate protein shake with light coconut milk, water, ice cubes
L - 10 almonds, 1 cup cantaloupe
D - 1 egg fried in olive oil, 2 slices pork rashers, whole fresh tomato, coffee with light coconut milk
There was no green today as tomorrow is grocery day and I decided to start Whole30 this morning rather than wait the extra day to make sure I had everything I needed. I knew I could cobble together one day even if it would be lacking in green vegetables.
Before some of you start sending me emails and messages that I'm "not following Whole30" because of the whey isolate protein shake, please go back and reread "It Starts With Food". The section for vegetarians says this is a "less bad" form of dairy than other forms and is acceptable for vegetarians. I am not vegetarian but I eat so little animal protein that this is how I supplement since I don't have cheese/yogurt while on Whole30 and it is my go to meal for breakfast because of my crazy commuting schedule. Generally on weekends, I will eat real protein for my first meal - eggs or meat - but Monday to Friday, I have a shake.
I think the stress of the last few months has hit me full force the last two days, I have been unbelievably exhausted. I am sure eating wheat, dairy and sugar didn't help, so I'm hoping between the extra sleep I can get the next few days and following Whole30 again, by next week I will be back to my normal, cheery, energetic self!
I have the most amazing friends in the world and am so fortunate. During this job search they have been supportive, encouraging and put up with my venting, whining and exasperation. I want to give a shout out to Guenther, Shelley and Barbara because they have been my angels through this. I just got an email from another friend that he is taking me to see War Horse for my birthday when he visits Toronto later this month. Then in November Shelley and I will be going to visit another lifelong friend of mine who lives in PA. Road trip!!! I'm hoping to meet a special blogger when I'm there as well. I have to say that the last quarter of 2012 is definitely shaping up to be better than the first 3/4 put together!
Oct 2, 2012
The past two weeks, because of a situation that came to a head at my workplace, I had to kick that into overdrive and I spent almost every waking moment job hunting. I think I only ran twice during those two weeks (there were other factors keeping me from my running clinic as well, but I only ran twice on my own) and my meals were all over the place in every way, too much, not enough, too many processed carbs, not enough protein, too long without eating, eating too late at night - absolutely nothing was right.
Monday morning I received a job offer pending criminal record and reference checks. I will send in my acceptance today. The recruiter called me last week to make the offer verbally but until I saw the offer in writing, I was holding my breath because I thought it might fall through.
I can honestly say that the tension and stress I was under the last three months, and more so the last two weeks, has taken it's toll but its now over and life can go back to somewhat normalcy.
I do have two weeks off before I start my new job and I am going to use that time to run/walk/stairs every day starting today and also to get back to eating regularly. I'm going to do Whole30 again because the last two weeks I have let dairy and wheat back into my life. Trust me, they didn't have to fight too hard to break through the weakened barriers of my resolve. But now, I have to be stronger again and fight back. The month of September left me with a 4lb gain that although I don't feel it in my clothes, I can feel the bloating and the heaviness in my gut and I want it gone.
I have registered for my first 10k event on October 21 and although I haven't been training as well as I should have been, I am determined to cross that finish line. With three weeks to go, I think I've got a fighting chance to make it work.
Sep 21, 2012
Looking for a new job is consuming a lot of my time and energy, both emotional and physical. I am still looking and although there are some prospects on the go, I don't have anything immediately following my last day on September 28. So along with the stress of looking, is the stress of budgeting and hoping that EI processes my claim quickly and accurately and wondering how to cope.
Running is going ok, I am not sure I will be ready to run 10k in October but I will do the race and I know I can at least run 7-8k so I'll see what happens on the day.
This clinic is not working out so well for me, I had a feeling it wouldn't when I started but I wanted to give it a shot. Wednesday practice runs are hard to get to unless I leave work early, which I couldn't do every week and Thursdays would only work if I could get a ride home with someone because it takes over an hour from the Running Room to home after the clinic (I have the same problem for Wednesday but we finish a bit earlier) and Sunday mornings don't work at all because of travel time.
Running on my own is going ok, but getting harder to do with it being dark so early. Unless I go out as soon as I get home, its not happening. This is why I ended up not running all last Winter and I had really wanted to get around that this year but I haven't come up with a solution.
2012 has had some major lows in all aspects of my life that I am still recovering from or trying to work around and I am hoping that with Fall comes a rebirth and new cycle of change for my life.
Sep 15, 2012
Sep 13, 2012
Sep 10, 2012
Sep 6, 2012
Before that was the 1.5km walk from the bus stop to the Running Room clinic.
Nothing else going on with me. I'm on my second round of antibiotics for this ^&^%^ ear infection and am stressing about not having a job in three weeks. I have a 5K event this weekend that I am not 100% invested in.
How's your week going?
Aug 30, 2012
Aug 29, 2012
Between my stomach being upset because of antibiotics, painkillers making me drowsy, waking up in the middle of the night with searing ear pain and dizziness and general nausea and dizziness most of my waking hours and not being able to walk for more than few minutes without the world spinning, let alone run - I feel completely out sorts and blech...you know?
I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge all the kind comments on my last post and the photos and I have a longer post that was meant to follow that one but it is still ruminating in my vertigo fogged brain but I'll get to it at some point, I promise.
I'm skipping running again tonight but I want to get back to my Clinic tomorrow night. I have two 10Ks scheduled for the Fall and I need to be ready.
That's it from me for now.
Aug 26, 2012
Comparing today to Dec 2007.
191 to 250+
Aug 25, 2012
Today I went to meet my friend Tina and her dog, Sadie, so we could do a hike at Mount Nemo. This is a nice hike, beautiful scenery, challenging trails climbing over rocks and tree roots in the trail and a lot of uphill. I love it! We ended up doing a not easy 3.5k and worked up quite a sweat. This wasn’t the trail I was thinking of yesterday when I said it was easy!
I didn’t have any vertigo while hiking but my ear kept popping as we were quite high on the escarpment and the popping felt like stabbing in my head.
Then I came home, showered, went out for groceries, had a nap and got all pretty to have a girls’ night out, and then just as I was waiting for her to pick me up, she called to cancel. After the hair, the make up, the heels….actually I was very disappointed, I was looking forward to a grown up night out. As the evening wore on I got more disappointed and found myself truly missing having a car for the first time since I’ve not had one (beginning of June). I just wanted to escape. My ear was hurting pretty bad so I knew I shouldn’t run and although I tossed around the idea of a walk, I didn’t feel like going out alone. So, I did something I’ve not done since I was a teenager – I lay on my bed and listened to 80’s love songs.
Going to make myself a quick dinner and then call it an early night I think.
Aug 24, 2012
I mentioned yesterday that I had earaches and felt off all day and a few days before I had some vertigo while going up and down the Wentworth stairs. Thank you for all your kind messages and concern on those two posts.
Last night, the pain in my ears was so severe that just my hair brushing against them was agony. Crazy, right?
I got very little sleep last night and I was popping Tylenol every three hours and it was not touching the pain. When I finally got up this morning and saw myself in the mirror I almost screamed. My right ear was twice its normal size and red and hot to touch, and the whole side of my face looked swollen and red. It looked like a rubber cartoon ear stuck to the side of my head. The lobe was so swollen that I couldn’t even see the diamond stud I always wear. I couldn’t turn my head because my neck was so stiff and even opening my mouth to talk caused my ears to scream in more pain.
I went right away to the Walk In Clinic and as soon as the doctor saw me he said I had “swimmer’s ear”. Then he did his exam to confirm it. Swimmer’s ear is normally caused by lake water, pool water or ocean water getting in the ear and causing an infection because of the bacteria in the water. I haven’t been swimming.
He said in the last 10 years or so they have also seen many cases of athletes who wear headphones while working out get swimmer’s ear because sweat drips in their ears and is trapped and pushed further into the ear canal by the ear buds. Yes, that would be me, folks. I thought I was imagining it when I felt sweat dripping into my ears, but apparently not.
The good thing is, this is fairly easy to treat. Antibiotics, drops and in my case some pain killers because I was feeling both stabbing and throbbing simultaneously. He said there is a marginally higher concern because I also have diabetes and this condition in uncontrolled diabetics can take a long time to heal and the infection could spread. Since my diabetes is very well controlled (A1C between 0.06 and 0.07), its not really a huge worry but he wants me to go back in a week just to check the infection is gone, or back in two days if it gets worse or does not dramatically improve. He said not to run, climb stairs, roller blade, bike, drive or do anything requiring balance for the next 48 hours as the drops can also cause some vertigo until the inflammation goes down.
Well I can tell you as soon I left that office, I took one of the painkillers and antibiotics and did the drops when I got home. Within 40 minutes my ear was back to it’s normal size, although still red and hot, the pain has diminished to a minor pulsing and I was able to turn my head and talk without pain.
Today is my tenth day of no rest and my original plan was to walk to the stairs, go down, and alternate running/walking 1k at a time to the 3k mark and back and then up the stairs and walk home. Since that wasn’t a good idea today, I went for a walk with my friend Guenther to Albion Falls which is at the other end of the Escarpment Trail that I have been doing the last week. We did a 5km out and back but spent the first 20 min or so just walking around looking at the falls from various angles.
The trail is 8.5km from end to end and I have it in my head that I want to walk it starting from the bottom of the stairs to the falls and back.
Tomorrow the plan is to go hiking at Mount Nemo and although it has a little bit of rough terrain, its mostly easy paths so I think I’ll be ok.
Aug 23, 2012
I also developed blisters on the inside heel of my foot, at the bottom of my foot, isn’t that a weird place? I think they are from my orthotics so I’m going to give them a break for the next couple of days and let the blisters heal.
Today was my Running Room Clinic class – I am not sure who thought it was a good idea to put the practice and the clinic back to back for the 10k clinic…but that’s how it is. We were scheduled to run 6k on a trail behind McMaster University. I love, love, love, these trails.
I ran a trail last night as well and I think because it was a trail I was able to run so far without my knees/calves hurting. I don’t think I would have been able to go that far on asphalt or concrete. I didn’t write anything about last night’s run because I was exhausted when I got home and all I wanted was a hot shower, something to eat and bed. But as a quick recap, the run was good, I felt strong and I actually ran past the point I was supposed to turn around and didn’t realise it until one of the other runners told me. I did 10/1 the entire way and did not need any extra walk breaks. I won’t say it was easy but I felt better than I did the night before and it didn’t seem as hard as I was expecting it to be. My only mistake was to not do a cool down walk at the end like I normally do, I was getting a ride home and I didn’t want to keep the driver waiting, so I ran right to the store and stopped and just did a few minutes of stretching.
Anyway, back to tonight’s run. Thursday nights are my favourite because I get to run with someone, as in alongside, not just at the back of a group. It’s nice to have someone to talk to, it makes the run go quicker and Melissa is so inspiring that I always feel so much better after running with her.
The run itself did not go so well. We walked probably 1/3 of it. It just seemed hard. Both Melissa and I were having trouble with calf pain and being able to keep a steady pace. The trail was beautiful though and the weather was nice. In the end we did 5.55km including warm up. We did a cool down walk but it’s not in the Nike+ data.
Aug 22, 2012
Aug 21, 2012
7.4 km total.
Tonight was hard. My legs felt like lead weights even during the first interval. Going down the stairs was hard, there were a lot of people running up and down, these are narrow stairs and made of steel so when people run you have stop and go right against the railing to let them pass and the stairs shake. Several times I felt dizzy going down.
From the stairs I went to the Escarpment Trail and ran in to the 2km mark, turned around and ran back to the stairs. Running from 2km to 4km was better because its a gradual downhill incline and I thought my legs had finally worked themselves out.
The stairs were even more busy going up and I had to stop at every major landing, about 40 steps because I was getting vertigo and at one point I thought I was going to fall over. By the time I got to the top, my legs were jelly and I had to sit on the bench for about 5 minutes.
I still wasn`t feeling well and I wondered if my blood sugar was low so I walked to Tim Horton`s which was closer than home and got a small chocolate milk and then walked home very slowly so my pace is all over the place for this workout.
Tomorrow night is the practice run at my running clinic and we`re supposed to do 7k. Wish me luck because if my legs are anything like tonight, it`s going to suck.
Streetlights were on before 8pm.
This trail is marked every 500m.
Aug 20, 2012
Aug 19, 2012
I am proud of this week. I decided to take a page from Norma’s book and have no rest days this week. I missed Tuesday because I was out with friends and didn’t get home until after 10 pm and since I get up at 5 am it was time for bed when I got home.
Mon-Fri I walk 4km almost every day on my lunch hour but its not strenuous or sweat inducing as I have to go back to work so although it’s activity, I don’t count it as weight-loss activity, it’s more of a stress-break and to stretch my legs after sitting for so long. I don’t use my Nike app to record those walks.
I’m going to continue this coming week with doing something; running, walking and/or the Wentworth Stairs every day. I want this coming week to top last week.
I never used to use my Nike+ to count walking, or warm up or cool down or the stairs because it screws up the average pace, but now I don’t care, I like seeing the accumulation of the kilometers and see that I am going further.
The only two complaints I have about Nike+ is that it doesn’t have an interval timer (I was saying to my friend Melissa the other night that if there was a learn to run or coaching program in the app then I would just use that as my timer, just pick the 10/1 weeks and repeat) and it doesn’t differentiate between biking, running and walking – which other apps do, like Adidas MiCoach and Endomondo, and others I can’t recall right now. Nike is elitist for runners only!!! It’s a bit annoying as most people don’t start out running 5k non stop, you know?
Today I walked about 3km to and from my friends' house to borrow their car so I could do my monthly Costco run and while I was there, another friend called to ask me if I wanted to borrow her car to do my errands. I am so blessed and fortunate to have these people in my life.
While I was out I stopped at Value Village (thrift store for my American readers) to get some black pants for work. The ones I have now are size 16s and 18s and falling off me. I have some size 14 pants but they are not dressy enough for interviews and I have size 14 capris, also not suitable for interviews. I have an interview tomorrow and I think I will have to wear my pencil skirt with my jacket because I didn’t find any pants that fit properly. Size 14s fit around the waist but were way too baggy in the butt/hips/thighs and size 12s were way too small in the waist but fit ok everywhere else. I hate being in between sizes. I just bought size 14s and 16s in the Spring thinking they would fit til next year because I lose so slowly, I don’t need new clothes every few months. But now the 16s are too big and most of the 14s are a little baggy which doesn’t bother me unless I want to ‘dress to impress’.
Then tonight I went with Guenther to Hamilton Beach and did a total of 7km.
- Walk – 0.5 km warm up
- Run – 5.5 km (10/1)
- Walk – 1 km cool down
Tomorrow I’m aiming for a total run of 6 km plus warm up/cool down. My Running Clinic group will be at 7 km on Thursday so I’d like to be as close as possible to that.